


I've got a dirty  little secret

by Lexyscissorhands



Category: Motionless in White (Band)
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Infidelity, M/M, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexyscissorhands/pseuds/Lexyscissorhands
Summary: What if your soulmate isn't your girlfriend but your best friend?





	1. Chapter 1

The birds started to chirp,The sunlight was starting to light up the room yet Ricky felt like he was just in pure darkness. What happened a couple hours ago made him feel as if he made the biggest mistake ever,He lost Jaime forever. 

_"Babe stop tickling me" Ricky said in between laughs as Jaime was on top of him and laughing as well_

_"oh fine,you're no fun" She jokingly pouted before getting off of him to answer her phone that kept vibrating_

_"Hello? Wait Gaia calm down what happened?" Once Ricky heard those words his heart sank,he knew exactly why Gaia would be calling_

_Jaime's face went from being concerned to pure anger. Her face started to turn red._

_"I gotta go Gaia,I'll call you later" Jaime slammed the phone down on the drawer next to her and made her way to the shared closet and brought out a suitcase_

_"No,No babe please don't do this to me" Ricky started to beg her as he tried to pull her into a hug_

_"Don't you dare fucking touch me Olson" She pushed him away and went back to packing her things. Ricky felt as if he couldn't do anything else but to just watch her pack her stuff away._

_Ricky heard something. It was Jaime. She was silently crying to herself. Oh Jaime. He didn't want to her hurt but he ended up hurting her anyways._

_"How long?" Her voice cracked_

_"what?" Ricky couldn't believe that she wanted to know that_

_"How long have you been cheating on me Ricky?" She turned around to look at him and his heart shattered even more to the sight of seeing his girlfriend broken to pieces. His head dropped on his hands._

_"Chris and I began to mess around when I joined the band. We stopped before we made infamous but we started again once we were making Reincarnate." Jaime's jaw kinda fell and her eyes began to water once again. Ricky looked away,he just couldn't stand seeing how much he hurt her._

_"I can't believe you,I broke up with my boyfriend to be with you because I actually thought that you loved me. I felt my family and my life to be with you and I just now find out that the entire time you were also in a sexual relationship with Chris? How could you do this to me Ricky? I loved you with all of my heart,I gave you everything,I made a business with you,I fucking got a tattoo with you because I didn't want to be with anyone else but you!" She was raising her voice and you could just hear the pain and anger and confusion that Jaime felt. "I honestly thought I was going to marry you" her voice cracked once again. She grabbed the suitcase and made her way over to the door. "That was my mistake" she grabbed Fester and made her way over to the front door._

_"No Jaime please don't leave me" Ricky started to run to the door and she shut the door and walked to her car,put everything and fester in the car and drove away as Ricky ran to her car. He just stood there and watched her drive away._

Finally what felt like years he was able to get up from the floor. Something was shining in his face. It was the promise ring Ricky gave to her on their one year anniversary 

"Oh Jamie,I'm so sorry" Ricky said to himself. Looking at the mirror he saw himself yet it was hard to believe it was him. The bags under his eyes were a blackish purple color,his lips were cracked and his eyes were bloodshot red from all the crying he did. There was a hole in his heart that keeps on getting bigger and bigger as time passes by. 

He jumps when he hears a knock on the door,Who could it be? No one normally comes to visit him during daytime. 

He made his way over to the door and once he opened the door his face dropped 

"Oh,Hi Chris" 


	2. Chapter 2

Soft kisses and moans consumes his ears. Hands are wandering aimlessly,He feels soft skin and curves. He can smell cherry blossom and taste strawberry lips. "Ohh Ricky" those two words that would change his life in a matter of seconds...slipped out. 

"Ricky?" Gaia got off of him and Chris's eyes widen as he realized what he just did 

"I didn't mean-" "Then why would you moan it?" She cut him off. He didn't know what to do or say besides just feel ashamed. His silence was all Gaia needed. 

"Look I forgot that my flight is in a couple of hours so I'm gonna go now" She got off the bed and started to pack her things without a word. Chris wanted to say something,Something to fix his relationship with Gaia but something inside of him kept it from happening. 

"I'm going to be honest" Gaia started and Chris listened very closely 

"I always had a feeling. When I first met you,I saw how you both looked at each other. But I thought to myself that maybe I'm overthinking it and nothing that actually going on and you made me believe that. And all I want to know is why chris? Why? Why couldn't you be honest? You both lied to me,To Jaime. I'm pretty sure the rest of the guys know but since you guys are bros they backed you guys up. But why chris? Why couldn't you guys just be together if that's what you and Ricky want?" 

Chris finally sat up and took a deep breath and rubbed his hands before speaking. 

"I honestly wish I could tell you. I don't even know why. Ricky and I were going to make it official but then Ricky met Jaime and I met you and we just thought that maybe we had finally found our soulmates. That maybe all this time we weren't actually supposed to be together. Ricky's has had pretty bad relationships and so have I so to finally meet this two beautiful and selfless girls...We just didn't want to lose our chance. I guess you could say that we decided to settle and I know that sounds so bad,But it's the truth. And don't get me wrong we both love you so much,We want to be with you both but we just-" Chris looked at a framed picture of him and Ricky. Chris was giving Ricky a piggy back ride and Ricky was laughing and had his arms around Chris's neck and chris was looking at him with very loving eyes. 

"We just couldn't stop looking for each other. We have this bond that we don't think will ever be broken. We wanted to tell you both eventually. But we were both scared,But look what happened for  stalling it." Gaia had his arms crossed and her head down. 

"Look Gaia,I don't expect you to forgive me,I don't expect you to continue dating me but I just want to let you know that I'm so sorry and whatever you decide to do,I'll respect it." Gaia looked at Chris and grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. 

"Thank you to these wonderful years. I hope you and Ricky finally get to be together. And yes I do forgive you"

Chris's eyes watered and he pulled her into a tight hug and she hugged him back. After a couple of seconds he felt some tears on his arm. "Oh Gaia,I'm so sorry" Chris kept on repeating in his head.

Gaia pulled away from the hug,Said her Goodbyes and left his house with her bags in her hands and that was the last time he will probably ever see her. 

Chris has been in his car for a couple of hours now. He saw when Jaime left. Gaia must have told her. Chris kept on debating if he should go see how Ricky is doing or if he should just give him some space. After a couple of hours of arguing with his own mind,He worked up the courage to go check on Ricky. 

"Oh hi Chris" Ricky didn't look like himself. He looked broken. 

"Hey Ricky,May I come in?" Ricky moved out of the way so Chris may step inside and once Ricky closed the door,Ricky attacked Chris with a really rough kiss that started to turn into an aggressive makeout session,battling for dominance. "I need this" Ricky kept telling himself "I need to forget" He took off Chris's shirt and started to suck on his neck and chest. "Fuck this is so wrong,We shouldn't be doing this but it feels so good" Chris thought to himself. Once Ricky tried to get his hands on Chris's cock that's when Chris stopped. 

"Woah man,Wait. We shouldn't be doing this. We just broke our girls...Well our ex girlfriends' hearts' we can't do this" Ricky looked confused and hurt. 

"Wait-you don't want me anymore do you?" Ricky asked as he got up from the floor 

"What? Of course I do Ricky,Why would you ask that?" This was taking a different direction than chris expected. 

"No you don't,I'm not good enough for you anymore,Well fuck you too chris" Ricky pushed Chris before running upstairs to his room and slamming the door. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Ricky was hurt and confused. How could Chris do this to him? How could they do this to their now Ex girlfriends? This is all fucked up. He wish he could go back and fix all of this...Actually no. Deep down inside he knows that he wouldn’t change anything because he loves Chris. Chris was the first and only guy that Ricky has messed around with and he couldn’t imagine it being any other guy. He laid down on his bed as he thought about their first time. 

_“Okay let’s do it one more time” Josh said over the mic. They were doing the recordings for creatures. It’s been 9 hours and at this point everyone just wants to go home._

_“No,I’m cold,I’m tired and I’m hungry” Ricky said. Chris just nodded with agreement._

_Josh sighed “Alright,But if we leave right now we’re going to have to come back early in the morning”_

_Ricky quickly packed his stuff and made his way over to his car. As he opened the driver’s seat he felt someone touch his shoulder,he tensed up and turned to see chris and signed in relief. “Dude you almost gave me a fucking heart attack” they both laughed “Sorry man,I forgot to ask if you could give me a ride home,My car is in the shop” Chris asked,His arm never left Ricky’s shoulder,it just lingered and Ricky was melting into his touch._

_“Yeah of course man,Hop in” They smiled at eachother and Chris made his way to the passenger seat while Ricky put his bag in the back and got in the car. On the way,They were talking and laughing and just having a great time. It got quiet when the song “Entombed” by Deftones came on and they just listened to the lyrics. Never has a song related to how he feels in this moment._

_“From the day,you arrived_

_I’ve remained by your side” Ricky sang along to the music in his head. He turned to see Chris’s eyes closed,He was getting into the song. His face was softened and there was a small smile on his face. Ricky put his hand on Chris’s thigh and Chris’s smile got bigger and he intertwined their hands together._

_The song ended and they got to Chris’s house. Ricky offered to walk Chris to his frontdoor so he did. Once they got there Chris said his thank you and Ricky just got lost in his eyes,So did Chris._

_“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do” Ricky said and he got closed to Chris. He took a deep breath before he grabbed chris by his collar and pulled him into a sweet kiss. The moment their lips touched,Ricky knew that he would become addicted to Chris. Little did he know that Chris felt the same way._

_Doors were opened harshly,Stuff kept on falling and clothes were everywhere. Chris picked up Ricky’s half naked body and threw him on the bed and got on top of him and took off his boxers watching Ricky’s cock pop out. He was amazed on how big and long it actually was,He’s a small person so he wouldn’t have guessed. His licked his lips before taking it into his mouth and Ricky moaned so loud. He mostly worked the tip and used one of his hands to work Ricky while he used the other one on his own. Ricky was shaking and felt like he was going to explode in Chris’s mouth._

_“C-chris,I’m so c-close” Chris pulled his mouth away. Ricky whined due to the loss of pleasure._

_“Wouldn’t want you to finish so quickly baby boy” Chris smirked and got up_

_He walked to the drawer near his bed and got the lube out._

_Ricky was looking at chris naked and he couldn’t help but to start touching himself while making eye contact with Chris._

_“If only you could see how fucking sexy you look like that Ricky,just seeing you do that is enough to make me cum. However-“ He got on top of him_

_“That’s not going to happen today” Chris finished his sentence. Chris applied the lube on Ricky’s cock and then into himself and put the lube on the drawer_

_“wait” Ricky said and Chris raised an eyebrow_

_“Hey man if you’re not ready,please tell me” Chris asked in a concerned voice_

_“No it’s not that,it’s just that,I didn’t expect you to be the one that wants to get fucked first” Chris felt himself turn red. “You don’t have any idea how many times I’ve imagined myself getting fucked by you Ricky”_

_“oh really?” Ricky smirked_

_“Fuck yeah” Chris said and grabbed his cock and began to sit on it._

_It was a slow process but eventually he got all of Ricky inside of him and he started to fuck himself._

_“Oh fuck Ricky,you feel so good” Chris growled/moaned_

_Ricky was overwhelmed with pleasure that he just couldn’t speak._

_Eventually he put his hands on Chris’s waist and flipped him over so now Ricky was on top_

_”Now it’s my turn” Ricky smirked and started to thrust into Chris._

_Each one became more faster and harsher than the last one._

_After a couple of minutes you could tell that Ricky was about to cum because the thrusts were becoming sloppy._

_Chris grabbed Ricky close to him and held him close and started to kiss his face while Ricky kept going and eventually Chris felt Ricky shoot into him. He let Ricky thrust through it and he also cummed on both of their stomachs._

_They just stayed there and held eachother for a bit. After their high was over they got up to clean themselves in the shower just to end up having a second round. After that Ricky spend the night in Chris’s arms and ever since that day,They’ve been inseparable._

**__**____Ricky felt a tear fall onto his lips. He didn’t even realize he was crying until now. He should have asked Chris to be his when he had the chance. Now it just seems like the wrong thing to do. Especially because now two people are so hurt and broken by it. Will things ever been the same between them now? Chris is distancing himself from Ricky and Ricky needs Chris more than anything right now. If only Ricky knew that Chris felt the exact same way right now.


	4. Chapter 4

“Ricky please open the door,I want to talk to you” Chris’s voice filled up the house 

Ricky took the pillow off his face and got up to open the door

”You better start speaking Chris and give me a good reason why you didn’t fuck me earlier” Ricky walked back to his bed and Chris shut the door behind him and sat on the bed next to Ricky and grabbed his hand 

“Look Ricky I know you’re hurting,I’m hurting as well b-“ 

“You promised to keep it a secret” Ricky cut him off 

“I didn’t tell Gaia,Well at least not intentionally” 

“What do you mean Chris?” 

Chris sighed and looked down at their hands,Ricky was wearing the ring Chris gave him and he started to touch it. 

“Me and Gaia were messing around and I moaned your name” Chris looked up at Ricky to see Ricky wide eyed and red 

“You moaned my name?” Chris bit his lip and nodded 

Ricky started to chuckle and Chris was confused on why he found this funny 

“I know this is serious but I couldn’t help but to feel flattered,Honestly chris there’s been a couple of times of when I’ve almost moaned your name with Jaime as well” Chris squeezed his hand 

“Yeah?” Chris looked deeply into his eyes and so did Ricky 

“Yeah” 

Chris pulled Ricky into his arms and Ricky felt relief and he wrapped his arms around Chris. He needed this. He wanted this. 

“What’s going to happen?” Ricky asked Chris and Chris felt uncertain for a bit 

“I want to be with you Ricky,We can be but I also know that you love Jaime and I wouldn’t want to ruin that for you. You had a great life going on. You wanted to marry her and have kids of your own along with Fester. If you want to go back to her,I will understand.” Chris’s voice began to shake,He was holding back tears. He wants to be with Ricky,More than anything. So did Ricky. 

“But I love you more” Chris’s heart started to beat fast

”what did you say?” Ricky pulled away and grabbed both of Chris’s hands and looked at him into this eyes 

“Christopher,I love you” Ricky felt a big weight lift off his shoulders,He’s been wanting to tell Chris that but he wasn’t so sure if he was allowed to but he couldn’t hold it in much longer,If he was able to scream it to the whole world that he loved Chris,He would. 

Chris attacked him with a passionate and aggressive kiss 

“I-Love-You-Too” Those words slipped out of Chris’s lips in between each kiss and Ricky couldn’t help but to smile into the kiss. 

After a while they pulled away and they were smiling but then Ricky’s smile fell. 

“I have to go apologize to Jaime” Chris nodded 

“Hey man,you gotta do what you gotta do,And like I said earlier I will totally understand if you decide to be with her again” Ricky didn’t say anything 

“Well I guess I’ll leave you to that,Good luck man” Chris felt kinda hurt but oh well. He got up and left Ricky’s house. 

“Ah Fuck,What did I just do? I had to open my big mouth” Ricky said to myself and put his hands on his head. 

Chris was right 

Ricky does love Jaime,If chris wasn’t around,He would be 100% sure that Jaime is his soulmate. But he’s not sure. Especially because Chris feels like his soulmate as well. Not just as lovers but as friends too. Ever since they met,They’ve had this bond that could never be broken. It felt like they were supposed to meet since the beginning of time. And he felt the exact same way with Jaime. He didn’t expect to fall for her. But all those times they saw eachother and talked for a bit he found himself falling for her. She’s so down to earth. He’s never met a girl like Jaime,All his ex girlfriends’ had something in them,Ricky didn’t know what it was but there was something about them that he didn’t really like but he would ignore it because he did love him for the most part. However,They always ended up hurting him. After his last girlfriend he felt like he would never have another relationship with a woman and he felt ready to be with Chris. Until Jaime showed up. 

Ricky made his decision. 

He got up and made his way over to Jaime’s parents’ house. 

Chris was back home,drowning his sorrows with loud music and cleaning the house. Sometimes he wonders why he had to fall for Rick Dick. But then he started to think about his ocean blue eyes and his immature humor but his wise words and thinking. 

“Goddamn it Ricky!” Chris yelled to himself and threw the broom across the floor and sat down 

Chris did love Gaia,Enough to be willing to have a long distance relationship with her. But he honestly couldn’t pretend anymore. He couldn’t pretend that he fully happy with her. He was happy but a part of him still longed for Ricky. He could be with Gaia and Ricky would pop up in his mind every once in a while and he would start chuckling to himself and Gaia would ask if he was thinking about Ricky again. Poor Gaia. Chris wonders how Gaia was able to handle that for so long. If Chris heard that from Gaia he would have been so upset with her. Maybe he didn’t love her as much as she loved him. Even though Gaia never spoke about it she knew that deep down inside,She would never be able to compare to Ricky. Ricky’s been there before her and will be after her. Maybe that’s why she wouldn’t get upset whenever Chris mentioned him. She understood that bond. And if anything she wasn’t mad at Chris for moaning Ricky’s name. She felt sorry for him. She knows what it’s like to long for someone that you can’t have. She didn’t want to keep them apart anymore so she left. But she will always love Chris and Chris will always love her. 

Jaime on the other hand,She’s so hurt and confused. She’s confused on why Ricky would decide to be with her even though he was with Chris. She was confused on how she never noticed but Gaia did. Maybe it was because Ricky was so good at hiding it. Ricky has always had an emotionless face. Whenever he wasn’t smile or chuckling,He had no emotion. Ricky could be so in love with you or worry about you but you would never know due to the lack of expression on his face. Jaime felt very loved by him though and that’s what confuses her. He did show love but he also loved someone else...So how could he say that he loved her when he was thinking about someone else when they made love,Whenever they went out on dates,Whenver they held eachother. How could Ricky say that? 

Jaime does love Ricky,She left everything behind to be with him. He was her first very serious boyfriend and she wanted to marry him and start a family with him. She would surprise him at shows and cook him food and give him massages whenever he was in pain. She did everything she could to be a great girlfriend but she feels like it wasn’t enough and that’s what hurts her the most. Fester started to bark and when Jaime went outside to check what was wrong,Her jaw dropped. 

“Ricky?” 


	5. Chapter 5

“Ricky?” 

She couldn’t believe he was here,right infront of her 

“What are you doing here?” Jaime turned around to see her dad glaring at Ricky and Ricky just looked down to his feet 

“Dad it’s fine,I got this” she put her hand on her dad to assure her that she would be able to handle the situation,her dad just nodded and went back inside in the house and she turned to Ricky and crossed her arms over her chest

”I’m waiting” Jaime didn’t want to be mean to Ricky but she couldn’t help it,she was hurt and that’s how she normally gets when she’s hurt. She turns cold.

”Jaime,I’m so sorry I really am. I don’t expect you to forgive me and I don’t expect you to ever want to see me or talk to me again but I want to have some closure before we go our separate ways and I feel like you deserve it too” Ricky was looking deep into her eyes as he talked and she nodded 

“Let’s go in the backyard” she said as she grabbed Fester and they walked into the backyard. When they sat down,Fester jumped off her lap and went on Ricky’s lap and he smiled and pet him. He was really going to miss him. 

“I honestly don’t know exactly how to go about this so if you have questions,ask me” 

“Why Ricky? Why did you do this?” She didn’t hesitate to ask 

“I was so sure about Chris,I actually had an engagement ring for him but then you came along and it changed everything. I no longer wanted to marry Chris because I met you and you are everything I wanted in a woman. You are so caring and loving and you have goals in life,you never wanted to just have me pay the bills and do the work. Each time I saw you the more I fell in love. There was a time where me and Chris stopped messing around because I thought that’s what I wanted. I was so sure that I wanted you and only you. Before I continue I want to tell you something,Please don’t be mad at Chris. None of this is his fault,I’m the one that decided to start again with him. It was me all along and made it seem like it was him. The guys thought it was chris but it was all me. One day I was really missing him,I thought I just missed hanging out with him so when you were out with your friends I asked him if I could come over and have some guy time with him. I got to his house and the moment he opened the door,Something just took over me and I just kissed him and one thing led to another. That day I gave him my virginity if you know what I mean by that. It felt so good to have him back,For the first time in a long time I felt whole again. After a while of that he gave me back the ring I always wear because when I asked you out,I gave it back to him. But please don’t also think that you didn’t make me happy. You made me so happy,I loved making love with you and I loved taking pictures of you and going to sleep next to you. It’s just that I also wished that Chris was with me too. I just wanted to have you both but I lost you both. And I’m so sorry Jaime.

Ricky started to cry and Jaime’s eyes started to water because she felt so bad. Instead of trying to understand him and listen to him,She just shut him out and hurt him as well. She got off her chair and went to go hug him.He hugged her back.

”No Ricky,I’m sorry. I should have tried to understand instead of pushing you away. You did everything you could and you were just confused. And I’m so thankful that you decided to give me closure instead of leaving me with that question. You’re such a great guy Ricky and I’ll always love you,But please don’t let Chris go. It’s so clear that he’s the one you’re supposed to be with so go with him,Go with him and never let him go.” 

“I’m so sorry Jaime” He had tears falling down his face. 

“I forgive you” She said

Ricky stopped crying and felt peace 

She held him for a bit and then she let him go

”You should go talk to Chris.” She smirked and he smiled at her and ran to his car. 

“BE SURE TO INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING” she yelled and they both laughed 

“I SURE WILL!” Ricky yelled back and made his way to Chris’s house. 

Chris was done cleaning and now he was just pacing back and forth. He tried to think of something,Anything to get Ricky out of his mind but no matter what,His mind would wander back to him. He felt like he was going insane. He saw a picture of him and Ricky. It was at a show and Ricky was smiling and Chris was singing into his ear. That was the same day he gave Ricky that ring. And the same day they told the guys about them.

__

* * *

_After the show,They all went backstage and hugged eachother like how they do after every show. Chris sat everyone down and Ricky was standing with them. They were all confused about why did they decide to have a meeting after a concert._

_“Ricky and I felt like we needed to let you guys know about us.” Chris said_

_“We all know” Balz said and everyone started to agree_

_”What? How?” Ricky asked,Him and Chris honestly didn’t know that it was so obvious._

_“Come on you guys,It’s like there’s visible hearts flying around you both whenever you guys are together,it’s cute tho” Ghost said smirking and the band members once again started to agree._

_Chris and Ricky felt so glad to have friends that were to accepting._

_After that they went into Chris’s bunk and cuddled._

_Chris kept on putting it off but he just couldn’t anymore_

_“Hey I have something for you” Ricky looked up at him_

_“You do?” Chris nodded and pulled a black box out. Ricky froze._

_“Relax dude,it’s not what you think”_

_Chris pulled out a simple black ring_

_”I guess you could say it’s a promise ring,And I just want you to know that no matter what,I’ll always be there for you. I love you Ricky” Ricky smiled and put the ring on himself_

_“Me too” he simply said and kissed Chris._

* * *

That was always the problem. Chris told Ricky “I love you” first and he never heard it back from Ricky,He would just get a “Me too”. It wasn’t that Ricky didn’t love Chris because he did love him. The problem was that for some reason he felt the need to put on this facade that he was the dominant one and that he didn’t really need chris to be happy and he didn’t feel the need to show him love in order to be in love with him. But that was all fake. He wanted to show love to Chris more than anything,He was planning on proposing to Chris soon. In secret Ricky was so loving and affectionate but in public he was cold. At first Chris didn’t like it but he learned to accept it. Looking back at it,Ricky regrets it all. He regrets not being so open about his love towards Chris. He regrets not holding hands in public and giving him kisses. He regrets it all. But he will make up for it...Soon. 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

What do you do when you’re so in love with your best friend yet you want to make things work with your ex? 

That’s a question that Chris kept on asking himself. He loves Ricky so much that it hurts but he also loves Gaia. He wonders how did they get here? He obviously knows how but he wonders why. He’s never liked a guy like that at all but the moment he met Ricky,there was an instant connection and he never wanted to let go after that...He still doesn’t.

He couldn’t handle it anymore,He has to tell Ricky. Even though they have been together for so long,He too never really told Ricky how he felt. Yeah he’s way more affectionate than Ricky but he’s never actually told Ricky what he’s exactly feeling. He has to tell him,He doesn’t want to lose Ricky,He wants him. 

Walking out in the dark cold snowing night with nothing but a red and black flannel,black jeans and Vans,He hopped on his car and made his way over to Ricky’s house once again. 

“Look at the Stars,Look how they shine for you” Those lyrics instantly made a smile appear on Chris’s face. Chris sang that song to Ricky one day. He remembers it like if it was yesterday.

_It was a very hot summer night. It was also the night before they went on tour for the Creatures album. They were texting eachother that night and neither of them were able to doze off so they decided to meet up at Chris’s House and hang out for the night. Ricky got there and Chris suggested that they go for a drive somewhere. After a while they ended up in a natural park somewhere. The sky was clear so they decided to lay on the hood of the car and watch the stars while having the music from the radio playing. It was a very pure moment for both of them. Chris felt like he was in what in some people believe is Heaven. Ricky didn’t want that moment to end either. He felt like he could just lay there with Chris next to him for the rest of his life and he would be content with it. That’s when the song “Yellow” by Coldplay started to play_

_“Look at the stars,Look at how they shine for you” Chris began to sing as he got hold on Ricky’s hand. Ricky turned to his side and looked at Chris. Chris did the same. They never broke eye contact the entire time Chris sang to Ricky. Ricky was fighting back the tears,it was hard but he managed. Once the song ended,Chris kissed Ricky on the lips and Ricky kissed him back but what he didn’t know what that the tears fell down. That was the first time they had sex that felt pure and filled with love. Before that it was lustful and animalistic but that night,it felt immaculate.Chris and Ricky held eachother as Ricky would thrust into Chris and would be kissing eachother and telling eachother things like “You’re so beautiful” and “I don’t ever want to let you go”. That day Ricky wanted to tell Chris that he loved him but something inside of him didn’t let him. Same with Chris. But despite the lack of words,They felt it and that was more than enough for them._

Chris was in very deep thought that he didn’t notice the truck that was speeding his way until it was too late. The last thing Chris saw before he shut his eyes was the snow falling from the sky and a burning truck.  


	7. Chapter 7

_And I just want to shake you by your little perfect fucking halo_

_Everyone’s got a secret_

_what’s yours? What’s yours?_

_And don’t be shy,I’ll never repeat it._

_Chris took off the headphones and everyone was looking at him wide eyed for a bit before clapping and Gaia made her way over him and gave him a kiss on the lips_

_”It sounded amazing babe! It’s like you actually felt the song” she said with a huge smile and it crushed Chris’s heart_

_If only you knew that it was true. Chris has a secret,A dirty little secret._

_Ricky and him made eye contact before Ricky looked at the door and Chris nodded. Ricky smirked and started to walk towards the door._

_“Hey babe me and Ricky still need to figure more stuff out for the album,I’ll see you later on okay?” She nodded and he kissed her forehead before walking off._

_It’s safe to say that’s not what happened at all,Chris and Ricky did exactly what they loved doing together...They made love. And it was one of the few times where Ricky let Chris top him and it was one of the best experiences Ricky has ever had. To explain how great it was without having to give too much detail,If Ricky ever wanted to touch himself and have a really great orgasm,he just has to think about that time and he will be coming into his hands in no time. Not only that but once Ricky came home to Jaime,She asked him if he was drunk or high because of how relaxed and dazed Ricky was. His eyes were a bright blue and glazed. His skin was glowing and his lips were pinker than ever. You could have sworn that he was under the influence but he wasn’t. The sex was just so mind blowing. After that experience,he stopped having sex with Jaime often. He felt bad about it but it just wasn’t the same as being with Chris. He just couldn’t feel a connection with her anymore. Whenever they did have sex it was because Jaime would be the one to start it but Ricky never started it anymore. Before it was always him catching her off guard while cooking or showering but not anymore. Same thing happened with Chris. Anyone that has dated Chris would know how dominant he is,he loves having full control and having sex whenever he wants and most of the time,it was everyday where he wanted it. However that’s changed with Gaia. She noticed it but never said anything because she figured that maybe he’s too focused on making the album that he doesn’t really have a sex drive. It’s happened before so she just shook it off and didn’t think too much about it. Boy does she wish she did._

“How are you feeling?” Her mother’s voice filled her up and Gaia was trying so hard to bite back the tears. 

“I feel so stupid for ignoring the signs,it was there crystal clear but I just figured that was overthinking so I just blew it off but I shouldn’t have done that.” That’s when the sobbing started. Ever since she found it,she didn’t let herself cry...she didn’t want chris to see that. She made herself cold and numb but once she got to the safety of her home. That’s when it all hit her that Chris has left her. Chris fell in love with someone else that wasn’t her.

* * *

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Ricky was driving along the highway,getting more and more anxious as he got closer to Chris’s house. He’s made his decision and he’s so certain about it. He wants Chris,everyday for the rest of his life. He might have lost the girl of his dreams and his dog but he gained something more beautiful than that. His soulmate. Chris is his other half. Ricky took a look at the box again. He’s going to do it. He’s going to ask Chris to be his husband. The thought alone just makes him smile so big and the butterflies in his stomach start to go insane. However that all died down when he saw a familiar car...in flames.

Oh no,Please no

he wanted to drive by it but something in his gut kept him from doing just that. He parked his car to the side and ran to the car and his heart sank in horror. It was Chris. Ricky quickly called 911 and started to get Chris out of the car before it would explode. Due to the adrenaline and panic that Ricky was feeling he was somehow able to get chris out and carry him out onto the floor and rested chris’s head on his lap. 

Hopeless 

That’s exactly how Ricky feels right now 

Hopeless 

Chris was barely breathing but he was unconscious. His face was covered in small cuts from the glass and had a black eye. Ricky grabbed his hand and started to kiss it. He tried fighting back the tears but he couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. 

Eventually the ambulance came for chris but Ricky didn’t want to let him go,He wanted to be with Chris the entire time but since they were family or married,he couldn’t. It’s safe to say that Ricky had lost it when they took Chris away from his arms. He started to sob so loud and hard that he felt it in his stomach and started to gag from how hard he was crying. 

Hopeless

He felt hopeless

 


	8. Chapter 8

_Soundwave was the one of the very few times where Chris and Ricky felt like they could be a little more obvious about their relationship. Especially because they wouldn’t really be seen by fans because the place that they were staying at was an hour away from Soundwave._

_The last night they were there they were doing the usual stuff they always do,They were_ _making out on the hotel bed. Ricky was shirtless and Chris was pant less,it was getting intense but Ricky felt something wet touch their lips. He opened his eyes and saw that Chris was crying._

_“What’s wrong babe?” Ricky sat up and Chris started to wipe away his tears_

_“I’m just upset that we’re going to have to go back to hiding. The entire time we’ve been here has been freeing and now we have to back to acting like none of this happened. Like we don’t love eachother.” Ricky was speechless,as much as he wanted to say something to Chris,he couldn’t._

_“I think we should tell them Ricky” Ricky’s blood started to boil when he heard those words leave Chris’s mouth_

_“No! You don’t get to decide that for us” Ricky got up from the bed and started to put his shirt back on_

_“Ricky it’s not fair to them. Not fair to us. Don’t you see what we’re doing?”_

_“Don’t you see what we will do to them if we tell them?” This time it was Chris that was silent. He just looked down at his hands_

_“I’m going out for a smoke” Ricky grabbed his pack and lighter and walked out the hotel room._

_“I can’t believe him” Ricky thought to himself_

_He went to the beach,lit up the cigarette and just watched the sun_

_Nearby their was a gay couple and Ricky started to watch them very closely_

_He could see the love between them both._

_He chuckled when he realized that they have the same height difference as him and Chris._

_“I know that it took so much fighting to get to where we are now but I love you. I love you will all of my heart Eric” The tall one went down on his knee at the shore of the beach and pulled out a box with a sliver ring inside_

_“We gave up on a normal quote on quote life to be with eachother,it wasn’t easy. We had to fight for it and hurt some people but it was all worth it. Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”_

_The shorter one nodded so fast and the other guy smiled,put the ring on his finger and got up and they gave eachother a very heart felt hug._

_That sight made Ricky feel something inside_

_something that he can’t reallt explain_

_was it hope?_

_Was it restored faith?_

_Ricky couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he had to go back to Chris._

_He mentally thanked the couple and got up and ran back to the hotel room._

_Opening the door he attacked Chris with kisses_

_“I adore you Chris”_

”I still adore you” Ricky thought as he was holding Chris’s hand while in the hospital room. 

Ricky brought Chris’s hand up to his lips and kissed it 

“I don’t know if you can hear me but I love you Chris. With all of my heart. I’m sorry for never being the loving boyfriend you wanted and needed. I just didn’t know how to show that because it was all new to me but I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks and before Ricky knew it,it’s been almost two months since he’s last heard Chris’s voice. It’s been eating him alive. He’s lost a lot of weight,barely sleeps and because of that he’s been living off of coffee and just stays at the hospital. He leaves when he’s supposed to but comes right back as soon as visiting hours are open. The nurses and doctors know him by now and they try their hardest to bring Chris back but so far,Nothing has worked. 

Maybe Chris is gone 

The thought stabbed his heart and he shook it off his mind,No he can’t be. 

Today Ricky decided to bring his acoustic guitar to the room and started to play for Chris and he even sang to him. He’s never done that,Chris has sang for Ricky multiple times. 

“I have to leave in a bit Chris but I want to sing you this last song.” 

He began to sing “Eternally Yours” And he felt every word in that song,He began to cry and you can hear it in his voice. 

“I'm ready to bury all of my bones  
I'm ready to lie but say I won't  
So tell me your secrets  
And join me in pieces  
To rot in this garden made of stones  
I'm ready to bleed to make amends  
And sleep in this dirt we call our bed  
So tell me your secrets  
And join me in pieces  
To fall and rewrite the bitter end  
Eternally yours” 

He kissed Chris on the cheek 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,Babe. I love you with all my heart and soul,Forever and Always”

 

 

“I love you too Ricky” Chris said to himself. He can hear Ricky,He heard everything that’s been said,All the tears that Ricky has shed. Everything. He wants to come back to reality but for some reason,Something is holding him back. There’s been many times when he’s screamed but no one can hear him. He’s trapped in his mind. It feels like you’re in a dream like state,when you hear everything going on but you’re still dreaming and sleeping. He just wanted to wake up and attack Ricky with kisses,He craves Ricky. Even to simply see him would be enough but at least he gets to hear his voice and know that he’s there with him. That he hasn’t left his side. That he truly loves and cares for him. 

He might not be able to see him in real life but at least he gets to see him in his dreams and he’s about to in any second. 

_Chris was in a pure white room,it was too white. He looked down and he was wearing his stage clothes,that’s new. He turned around and there was an older man leaning against the wall with a small in his face_

_“Grandfather?” The man simply nodded and Chris ran to hug him. He was Chris’s entire world,He was the reason why Chris got into music._

_“I missed you so much” his grandfather chuckled and squeezed him tight_

_“I missed you too my boy,but it’s too soon to see you. You shouldn’t be here yet” Chris pulled away confused_

_“What do you mean?”_

_Suddenly there was a scream_

_it was Ricky_

_“No please please someone please help!”_

_It hit him,he died_

_”No I can’t be dead,I have stuff I have to do!” Chris started to sob and panic and fell on his knees as he covered his face._

_There’s so much he wanted to do,so much he had to do. He can’t be dead. He can’t leave his fans,his friends,family,His lover...This can’t be it._

_He felt a hand on his shoulder,he looked up and it was his grandfather smiling down at him,that somewhat calmed him down._

_“Why do you think you should go back?”_

_“There’s so much I need to do,so much I need to see. My fans need me,my band needs me,my family needs me. Ricky needs me.” He stopped for a bit and started to cry again_

_“I need my fans,I need my brothers,I need my family,I need Ricky. They’re the reason why I am who I am. They shaped me,Without any of them,I’ll be lost in this world.”_

_“Then you have to go back,go back chris,go back” Everything started to slowly faded away_

 

After many attempts to bring him back,There was nothing they can do. They pronounced him dead and Ricky felt like his world just ended. He put his head on Chris’s stomach and began to sob 

“I can’t believe you’re gone” Ricky whispered to himself 

After a while of crying to him he felt a hand on his shoulder 

His head turned and his mouth dropped 

“Chris?” 

**Author's Note:**

> I will also be posting this on Wattpad (:


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